By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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