fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
