ugly people sure do ruin things
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
is wine microwaveable?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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