i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize