Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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