I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
