So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i dont even know how to be here
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
