He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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