Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize