note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
