I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
