she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
