remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
