i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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