I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
