you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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