she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
