Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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