I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The feeling are messing with the penis
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
