question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
