just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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