yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
