Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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