no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
