I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
