u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
