meet me or not, i'm out of control
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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