I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
