You really coming over, don't trick.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
