i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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