Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Houston, we have a blender
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
