I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
