you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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