My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
