I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
