One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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