WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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