he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
