I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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