dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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