Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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