So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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