You're a womanizer and a bitch.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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