new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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