I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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