no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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