FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
