Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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