dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
