I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
