I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
