T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
