Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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