What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
