Your tits are I can't wait for
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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