My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
