This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
