Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
