i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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