I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
