My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
