I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Randomize
