Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
