You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
