Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
