he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
