After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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