had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
