Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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