So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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