That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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