You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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