Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
drinking out of a sandbucket again
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i've created a new STD.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
