he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
