Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
