Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
