I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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