Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
