I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize