I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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