She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
