I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My vagina is officially offended.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
