all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
