Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
