Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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