how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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