Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
