I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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