living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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