i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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